I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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