Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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