i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
