Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize