8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
