i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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