Porn is love you can see.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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