He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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