Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
