shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
