Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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