So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
