mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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