If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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