WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can I color on your dick again?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize