bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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