i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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