Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can Purell be used as lube?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
