If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize