I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
