Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Farmville is her only friend.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
