____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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