I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
