fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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