I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
