I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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