i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
