just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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