Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize