I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
