Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
