went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
