Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
