You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
