I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
