Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
