i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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