is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
