I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
