I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
