end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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