When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need a beard to bite.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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