Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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