After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
