they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
