im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
