yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
