I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
