One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
