i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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