he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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