I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize