Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
