How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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