Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
