Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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