Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
