ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize