You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
