i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
