We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
