now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
