I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize