So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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