I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
