I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All the doctor said was why
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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