Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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