My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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