spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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