not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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